The wooden boy, figment made of shards of glass
stacked, loved and cried upon
wished for and left wanting
the girl who'd love the wooden boy, queen of a house of cards
beautiful mess. breathtaking
left longing, aching for something dark and real


I dont know how to finish this. I'll come back to it. 
It made a hole and its my fault

Date:	2007-08-28 22:16
Subject:	The Mundane
Security:	Public
Mood:	disappointed
Music:	radiohead creep

Just in from "happy" hour with people from the corporate side of life.  Happy- drink alot while people sip and stare. 
It just doesnt get any better than this. 
POW. in the head. with a gun.

yes, im wishy washy today. fuck you.

Date:	2007-08-22 00:15
Subject:	Hey
Security:	Public
Mood:	indifferent
Music:	Paramore Misery Business (;ive 97x)

I dont even know who if anyone is still around.  I started mising the creative outlet this place gave me today. Yeah, right out of the blue....  if anyone is still around.. please say hello. 
Nice to be back
Zack

Maybe its only the kind of thing you feel when you're high and you look around and it just isnt making sense. Because im high and it isnt making sense. Ever try to remember the place where you stopped being that kid, with those dreams, and just kind of started to settle? If you cant then i envy you. looking back seeing that placid glass house wall fall When do you stop hoping for something grand?

Date:	2005-05-11 13:40
Subject:	summer approaches.
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained

I'm doing ok these days, getting by. Wasting today sitting around thinking of things i'd like to be doing. I need a project or something.
Time is very hard to fill these days now that i have slowed almost to a stop with some of my more destructive hobbies or habits if you prefer. I need something, maybe Jesus? Ok that was a joke, a funny one.

stagnant ideas and too many pronouns
stop it come on you're not making sense now.

just say hello, drop me a pic of you currently or a little blurb of how you are if you read this. i feel i am being drawn back into this lj web and need support.
thank you

I shoot and you run.

there are so many things i cant tell you
I havent talked to my dad in over a year, i havent talked to my mom in 27.
I spent 7 hours today doing a drawing of the great wall of china.
My last girlfriend said to me "I've never been with anyone who made me feel so good and so bad, i dont know if i should stay or go" so i went.
A girl i was with last year, ended up being quite crazy and believed she could see the future through her dreams. After we broke up she said in her dreams i ended up happy but i'm still waiting.
I havent been to atlanta since the fall semester started which is just stupid. although i am probably no longer welcome.
I still get high.
occasionally
I am still looking for something bigger than all of the things other people think they've found.

she says c'mon c'mon
lets just get this over with

i cant imagine what was funnier. Being a participant, or feeling quite superior to that. either way, quite a funny trip it is or was if you prefer.
me-

After nearly four months i am finally tiring of wearing a mask, even though it is a very thin one. I am starting to want another alone period, the kind where i sit around and talk to people who are just perfect little ideas rather than flesh and blood with issues and complications. I am missing my life a little bit even though i was fairly miserable before. Misery can be very comforting. All of this happy time is starting to get on my nerves.
I think i need conflict and drama to be content, I'm just not wired to try to be happy all the time.
I hope all is well for anyone who reads this.

So last night it finally happened. I hit the self distruct button. Eden and I went to a comedy club and then went out for drinks. I'm not sure exactly when i decided it would be a great night to fuck up but I did. We had a small arguement that I saw coming, and I made it into a huge bad awful one. I still think I was right for the most part, but it was basically like shooting someone for shop lifting. blah.

Its amazing how much i used to depend on this computer and this journal. The people here are/seem so much smarter and so much better than the people I meet and attempt to interact with. The most important part of this is that the people I meet here get such a watered down version of me. An entire state of seemingly one dimensional people. Compartmentalized friends for selected tasks and outings. good times =/
I miss this place, even if it is mostly an illusion. I can see why I prefer the side of people that they choose to show you from afar as opposed to real people in all of their lack lustre glory.
that is all.
send me new friends now! please and thank you

Things are a mess again, a different brand of mess to be certain but a mess none the less. Wouldnt it be nice if things could occasionally be less complicated? If people could be less complicated and still be interesting?

Oh, and I talked to Joy the other night on the phone. Such a nice voice my lonely Jopy has. I havent talked to her in forever but she didnt seem surprised to hear from me. It was nice. Some one get smart and take care of my Joy? k, thanks.

Eden and I went to see an Imax movie out of boredom. we were tired and its kind of cool to watch a movie on the ceiling.
After we went to a bar that has board games at all of the tables. I kind of like that can have fun doing these kinds of things. We played battleship and sorry. sorry sucks, no wonder i didnt play it as a kid. This particular bar has a set of waitresses with the worst boobjobs I've ever seen. Like every one of them went to the same surgeon and said make them bigger than my head. We made fun jokes about them and then went off to see the band.
They played mostly covers. Tool, Filter, Rage against the Machine and some new stuff also. they would have been good if they had been a bit quieter, the place was sooo small my ears are still recovering.
The impressive part of the night was that at both of the places we went after the movie she sneaked off and paid the bill before i could. she knew i wouldnt have wanted her to pay but she did anyway.
fledgling weirdness in the florida spring.

music - the bronx - heart attack american

dress up like dead people and rock the fuck out. if you dont know this band d/l them. if you do know this band then you know what i am talking about.

the bronx. good band.
sleep now. i can get 3 hours before work.
yay

The accidental blue surrounding her
framed her face in a way that made me stop
take the time to look
and think

just stop. breathe
she silently mouthed to me
lips curling slightly
irresistable smirk
deep brown eyes stopping
long enough for a casual once over

maybe your right
maybe i do think to much
its a problem without a solution

If you could see my heart you would know its true
there's none cherise except for you

It may be time for the return of my bad art, i have collected some really very interesting things that i wanted to take a stab at.
It has just been so long since i have tried to do anything. It becomes so easy to just coast, everyday takes forever and then suddenly months have passed without a landmark. That is how people get old.
anyway

The voice of cherise from the face of the mandolin
said rueben, rueben tell me true
for i have no one but you

I got played tonight, like a fiddle.

the only thing that really bothers me is that i liked the girl. i realy did... and then what was really going on caught up/
it was a trap of sorts, and i didnt see it coming.
she acted as though we were having the greatest of times, and then her ex showed up. she picked the place (ooo what a coincidence)
did you ever meet someone that would not stop talking shit?
did you ever punch them square in the nose, then square in the throat, and then kick them until you got tired of it?
nah, probably not, die ass hole die

g'head whats the harm?

Reply to this entry by posting a picture of yourself in the comment, then post this sentence in your journal.

Road side snap shots of ephemeral bliss.

The effect has faded. As i suspected it might. Its the hazard of doing something good. You always have to return to normality.

I have a date tomorrow (saturday) with a girl named Blaire, the name scares me. She is attractive but very affected. She uses chill as a verb noun or adjective far too often for my liking.
What do you do though? Joy and i were talkng about it. if you wait for someone that "gets it" based on your standards of "it" how long will you wait? How many people are there like that, and then they have to be attracted to you.
Cats and Quilts luv.
If you cant be with the one you love honey, love the one your with.
Someone cannot tell you they could kiss you forever every day. Someone isnt going to paint you everyday and make you feel like something bigger than you are. Its not the way things are, not for ost of us anyway.
Not for me if i choose to stay rooted in some form of reality, so i date.
I wont be a hunger artist for hungers sake.
sad sad days.